273 days down, 1 to go

September seemed so far away back on January 6th, when my doctor's office confirmed that I was pregnant (I already had a feeling because I just felt "different" than the previous months, but I was still brought to tears when the nurse called and said, "You're pregnant!" in her sweet, sing-songy voice).  But here it is, September 8th already, and now I am only one day away from becoming a mother, something for which I've longed for many years.  It just feels really strange.  On the eve of my delivery, I feel a myriad of emotions: anxiety, nervousness, happiness, excitement, fear, and hmm, what is this...sadness?

Yes, I feel sad. This baby who has been attached to me, both literally and figuratively, will soon be its own entity.  And that saddens me.  She has been growing and flourishing in my womb for nine months, and tomorrow she will be in my arms and I will hold her tight, so that should make me happy, right?  Well, it DOES, but I am still saddened by the thought of not having her with me 24/7.  No more sharp jabs in the upper right rib (that was her favorite place to kick), no more feeling the rolls of her limber legs as she repositions herself against my lungs, no more feeling and seeing her hiccups in my lower left abdomen after my hearty meals.  As uncomfortable as I've felt these last few weeks, I will miss all those little reminders of her presence, or should I say "presents."

My husband asked me tonight, "Are you having postpartum depression already?"  I replied back, "No, I think it's PRE-partum depression, Babe."  Is there such a thing, though?  Clearly, the answer is a resounding "yes."